Sunday, October 10, 2010

boys, or something...

"There are no boys here." Paige said.

"That’s impossible." Tanya said with a roll of her eyes.
"There aren’t!"
"How can there not be any boys?"
"Fine, fine, be that way. There are boys. Just not very many of them."

Before Tanya could come up with a snarky retort, Paige butted in,

"No! But let’s look at this way."

She proceeded to draw the following diagram:

"What is this." Tanya said.

"Look at it! The three circles are each basic requirements that I think are reasonable to expect in a guy in order for him to be a potential … let’s say significant other."

"Okay."

Paige took a deep, purposeful breath before continuing.

"And now as you can see , sometimes a given guy here might exhibit one, maybe even two of these traits. But look where all three circles intersect, the golden boy…"

“Non-[expletive]-existant?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

"I’m going to be a lifelong spinster."
"What? So all of a sudden a woman’s value is only the man she marries? Did you go to university just to find a man?"

"What the [expletive], Tanya."

Sunday, June 27, 2010

2:
How's training going?

1:
Well, would you like to hear an example of me sucking at life?

2:
What?

1:
Day 1 of training.
- Get there meet my manager shake his hand
- Am told to take a seat and fill out a form
- I sit in the front row (I know)
- A bit later, a pretty good-looking guy, around our age, walks in. He also happens to be well dressed in a sort of “I’m dressed for the occasion but I still can add my own personal flair.”
- He comes in and sits right beside me.
- This is good in my mind.
- Everyone is filling out forms so I decide that chatting is not a good idea
- During break times he wanders off so chatting is not an option then.
- During break times I chat with some Filipino girls and we bond over our Pinoyness
- I’m in a group with the PGLG (pretty good-looking guy) beside me and the guy beside him for a role-playing exercise
- PGLG is holding a script so I can clearly see his hand, and I notice that the tips of his left hand fingers are sort of peely and rough.
- After the exercise I muster up the courage to go “Oh hey this is really random but do you happen to play the guitar?”
- He says yes
- “Yeah I noticed your fingertips are all calloused.” I hold up my hand to display mine are too.
- “Oh cool.”
- Before I can mention something guitar-related he sort of drifts off and any potential interaction ends.

2:
Hahaha.

1:
Like come on, THAT’S IT? I was GIVING THAT TO HIM. THAT’S SUCH AN EASY CONVERSATION FOR HIM TO CONTINUE.

2:
LOL

1:
But of course at first I think “Oh maybe he’s shy,” you know?

2:
Mmhmm.

1:
BUT THEN A FEW MINUTES LATER HE STRIKES UP A CONVERSATION WITH THE DUDE NEXT TO HIM LIKE SERIOUSLY. AM I THAT REPULSIVE?

2:
THAT'S IT?!?! THAT'S IT?!?! LMAO I'm actually dyng here

1:
DUDE. I TRIED

2:


1:
OKAY LOOK. I TRIED. I BROUGHT UP [expletive] GUITAR, YOU KNOW? AND I MENTIONED I PLAYED TOO. AND LIKE [expletive] I DON’T [thinking about it again] EVEN THINK HE ACTUALLY SAID ANYTHING.

2:
LMAO!!!!!!!!!

1:
SO I'M NOT GOING TO KEEP RAMBLING TO SOMEONE WHO ISN'T TALKING

2:
FAIL! On his part, not yours.

1:
SERIOUSLY, AM I THAT REPULSIVE?

2:
NO HAHAHHAHAHA BUT PERHAPS INTIMIDATING?! LOL

1:
I SAID IT IN A LIKE OH I'M BEING A DORK BY NOTICING YOUR FINGERS

2:
Aw, well some people are jerks, or completely oblivious. MAYBE HE GOES TO SAINTS! BAHAHA!

1:
NO I THINK I'M JUST REPULSIVE. I EVEN GAVE HIM SOME OF MY DRIED MANGOES. LIKE [expletive] YOU SHOULD AT LEAST TALK TO SOMEONE WHO GIVES YOU DRIED MANGOES

2:
There are more jerks in the world than repulsive girls, so the odds are in your favour.

1:
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LAUGH AT MY LINE ABOUT DRIED MANGOES.

2:
I AM!!!!!!!! Hence why I'm not typing!!!!!!!! Ask my sister! LOL she's telling me to shut the [expletive] up. LMAO. Oh deary. You are not repulsive my friend... lol, whew.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

trip and fall

Paige dashed in from the cafeteria to see Emma waiting outside the history room, with her backpack, drooping from the incredulous weight of her textbooks, slung on one shoulder. Assuming she was late as usual, Paige was careless about her motions and nearly crashed into Emma’s backpack.

“Goodness gracious Emma! Your backpack is lethal. How have you not dislocated your shoulder?”

“It’s wretched isn’t it? I think my teachers are conspiring against me, giving me as many unnecessarily heavy textbooks as possible in order to ruin my body and quash my dreams of being a world-famous athlete!”

“That is wretched! But since when have you been into sports?”

“Um, oh hey look! Here comes Mr. Hayes; we actually beat him to class for once.”

Mr. Hayes strolled up to the classroom door, and stopped when he saw Emma and Paige standing in front of him.

“What do you two want?”

“Nothing! Just waiting to fill our brains with learning!”

“Sure.”

About to unlock the door, Mr. Hayes looked over at his shoulder, turning his head back slowly.

The bell rang, after which the rest of the class started pouring into the room. As Mr. Hayes waited for the room to settle down, Paige sat in her usual desk, right beside Emma.

Paige eyed Emma’s bulging backpack, which sat underneath the desk.

Mr. Hayes cleared his throat.

“If you recall, last class you wrote a test.”

The class groaned.

“And, look! Here they are, already marked.”

Mr. Hayes made his way around the room, handing each student her test back.

“Psst! Emma!”

Emma looked up.

“Kick your bag towards me.”

“ What? Why?”

“Just do it!”

Emma sighed and slowly pushed her bag with her feet to the aisle that separated her and Paige.

“Paige,”

Mr. Hayes handed Paige her test, looking at her mark, he said,

“Good job.”

“Thanks.”

Mr. Hayes grabbed the next test in his pile, which read “Jennifer”, who was seated behind Emma. He made his way to her desk before being stopped in his tracks by some sort of heavy object. He looked down at his feet to see what was stopping him from moving forward and saw Emma’s backpack full of textbooks.

“Emma, please try not to obstruct the aisles. It makes it a lot harder for me to make my way around the room, as I have to make sure I don’t trip over something like your unnecessarily large backpack.”

“Sorry, Mr. Hayes.”

Emma flashed Paige a glare as she moved her bag back under her desk. Paige responded with a sheepish grin.

After class, Emma heaved her backpack from the floor, and ran after Paige, who had quickly left the room and had already made her way well into the rest of the school.

“Paige, what was that for! You totally got me in trouble.”

“Oh please, he wasn’t mad at you for a moment.”

“Still, I don’t appreciate you stringing me along on all your schemes!”

“I’m not stringing you along! You’re my partner in crime, Emma,”

“But you always throw me under the bus!”

Paige stopped in the middle of the hallway.

“Is this about the grapefruit?”

“No. Well yes, that too. I just feel this is a very one-side deal.”

“Fair,”

Paige stuck out her hand.

“Emma, I promise to keep you in the loop on every trick I pull from here on in.”

Emma took Paige’s hand and shook it.

“Accepted!”

“Great, I’m glad that’s settled. Now, I’m actually done for the day, so I’m going home now. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“See you!”

Paige put her textbook away in her locker and seeing the sun shining through the window, skipped down the hallway. She whistled to herself as she signed out at the school office and smiled at the receptionist, who smiled back.

“Have a good day Paige!”

“You too!”

As Paige walked up the stairs out from the office, Mr. Hayes was walking the opposite way, with his coat and bag on.

“You heading out?” Paige asked.

“Yeah, I’m done for today,”

“Me too!”

And with that Paige missed the last step of the staircase and fell forward, nearly hitting the ground before Mr. Hayes grabbed her arm with spider-like reflexes and pulled her up.

“Whoa there, easy now.”

Paige quickly stood up straight.

“Are you alright?” the receptionist, who had seen the pathetic fall and was standing up in concern, said.

“No.” Paige said, as she avoided looking at what must have been an evil smile stretched across Mr. Hayes’s face.

“Oh, just a bit of bruised pride, I’m sure.” Mr. Hayes said with a laugh.

“Well, I’ve got to be on my way now.” Paige said, and with that dashed out the school, her eyes starting to water with tears of embarrassment.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

les voleuses de pamplemousse

Everyday, he placed a grapefruit on his desk. At some point in the morning, he would carefully peel and then consume the grapefruit. Then the next day, he would bring a new grapefruit to place, peel, and eat, thus continuing the cycle. He would eat them as he taught class, sometimes nearly choking in his attempts to balance teaching his class and filling his stomach.

But then one day, as he went to pick up his grapefruit, it was not a grapefruit he picked up but a small Mandarin orange. He was mortified. How could his grapefruit have vanished? Grapefruits do not just transform into oranges on their own. Someone must have stolen his grapefruit.

Mindy then walked in.

“Mindy! Why did you steal my grapefruit?”

“Excuse me? I did no such thing.”

“Then how did this happen?”

He held the Mandarin orange out at Mindy.

“I don’t want your orange. How dare you steal my grapefruit.”

“I have no idea why you think anyone would steal your grapefruit. I’m hurt that you think I would do such a thing.”

Paige sat happily in the cafeteria, and made sure to clean up after herself, disposing of her peel. Mindy then stormed in.

“Oh my goodness! Mr. Hayes just accused me of stealing from him!”

“That’s terrible. Why would he do such a thing? What did he think you stole?”

“His grapefruit of all things!”

Paige looked down at her hands, sticky with remnants of the squirts of citrus.

“I have a confession to make.”

“What?”

“But promise me, you won’t tell anyone.”

“Of course.”

“Okay.”

Paige swallowed hard.

“…I stole Mr. Hayes’s grapefruit.”

“What!”

“Let me explain!”

Mindy scoffed, unimpressed with Paige’s antics.

“Fine.”

“You see, he eats a grapefruit everyday.”

“Yes I am aware of that.”

“I know, but he just leaves it out there on his desk. Out in the open, vulnerable.”

“So you decided to steal it?”

“I’m not finished. Anyway, Emma said that she had a Mandarin orange that she did not feel like eating, so I took it out of her bag and put it in the place of Mr. Hayes’s grapefruit. Naturally, I put his grapefruit in the place of where Emma’s orange was. However, Emma was not pleased with my decision to do that. ‘He’ll think me the culprit!’ she said, so she begged me to destroy the evidence. So I ate it.”

Mindy looked at Paige, her mouth dropped open.

“I had no choice!”

Paige regained her composure.

“And to be fair, I didn’t quite steal his grapefruit. I did leave him behind an orange in its stead, so consider it an involuntary trade.”

Mindy grabbed her bag and prepared to bolt.

“Please don’t tell him!”

Paige stood up and watched as Mindy ran off into the distance. She sighed and sat down.

Later that day, as Paige was at her locker, she saw Emma come running towards her, panicked.

“Emma, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“It’s over! We’re done for! He’s onto us!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Mr. Hayes! The grapefruit! He knows what you did!”

“What? How?”

“Mindy!”

“Mindy?”

“Mindy.”

“Mindy…”

When Paige had to pass by Mr. Hayes’s classroom, she did so carefully, hoping he would not see her. He was sitting at his desk, seemingly unaware of what was going on outside his room, but then the moment Paige past his open door he fixed his stare on her frightened expression.

“Hi?”

“Do you know anything about my grapefruit?”

“I’m sorry?”

Mr. Hayes walked to the doorway, towering over Paige and crossed his arms.

“I said, ‘Do you know anything about my grapefruit?’ It’s been missing since this morning.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Well, I can assure you I know nothing of the incident.”

“Well, that’s interesting, because I’ve heard information on the contrary.”

Paige went white in the face.

“Really… well, I could have sworn I saw a grapefruit at the bottom of Emma’s bag.”

“Emma, you say?”

“Uh, yes.”

Mr. Hayes snapped his head up and looked toward the hallway, and proceeded to march purposefully in that direction. As soon as he was far enough, Paige ran to find Emma, only to see that he had beaten her there.

“Paige said that you have the grapefruit.”

“I don’t! Check my bag, there’s nothing in there.”

Emma threw her bag in front of her like a shield. Mr. Hayes grabbed it and unloaded the contents to find that there was indeed, no grapefruit. He grunted.

“Well then...”

And he marched off.

Emma saw Paige approaching and flashed her an unpleasant look.

“Why did you do that? Why did you point the finger at me?”

“I had no choice! He had me cornered.”

Emma sighed.

“I know.”

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay, don’t worry.”

Emma grinned.

“Next time you just need to be more careful as to who you let in on the plan.”

Paige turned to Emma.

“What?”

“There is going to be a next time, isn’t there?”

“I guess so. We have no choice now.”

Monday, June 15, 2009

chemistry notes

Today I wrote my Chemistry 11 Final. Given that I don't intend to pursue a career remotely within the sciences, I am never taking another chemistry related course ever again. Today was the last time I ever had to touch that stuff.

Naturally, as I no longer have any use for them, I recycled all my notes after the exam. I knew more than to recycle them in front of my chemistry teacher, so I put all my notes in the recycling bin in a vacant social studies classroom.

I'd like to take a moment and explain that I wasn't getting rid of my notes because I hate chemistry. In fact, I ended up enjoying chemistry class more than I had planned. If anything, I was kind of sad, realizing that I was done with this material forever. But I needed to get rid of my notes, otherwise they would just be taking up space in my house.

After I had thrown all my notes into the recycling bin, I took a seat at The Corner and proceeded to chat with some of my peers who had just finished the same exam. After awhile, the other chemistry teacher, an excitable young man, came by. Inexplicably, as though he knew about the sin I had just committed, he walked straight into the social studies classroom I had just been in, and emerged from it carrying all my
chemistry notes.

"Who threw away all their chem notes?!?!?!?!" He cried.

Sheepishly, I identified myself as the culprit.

"Why would you do that?"
"I don't need them anymore."
"Yes you do! You need to know all of this for Chemistry 12."
"Sadly, I'm not taking Chemistry 12 next year."

Without flinching, he responded,
"But this is such wonderful information to have!"
His face showed a mixture of excitment over the wonderful information and horror over my actions.

He started to thumb through my notes and mumbled to himself what was written on them.
"... like, limiting and excess reagents - this is the best stuff ever!"

I was feeling guilty, given his passion for the material, and how callous my actions must have seemed to him. As well, my contacts were irritating my eyes due to a combination of allergies and overall dryness, so my eyes were watering

"I know, and I have enjoyed learning all of it, but I'm never taking chem again."

I needed to come up with something better.

"And look, I'm not happy about this either." I said, pointing at the tears rolling down my face.

He was silent, and mostly still except for the constant vibrations his body makes due to an excess of energy he no doubt possesses. His hands were clutching onto my notes. Desperately, I searched for something else to say to ease the pain.

"I recycled my notes with love!"

Well, tried to, at least. The teacher nervously laughed off the situation and dashed to someplace else.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

annoying people

Today was a day like any other, only I'm still kind of sick and I've been fasting since midnight for the 30 hour famine. Okay, so maybe today wasn't like "any other." Nonetheless, it hasn't exactly been a spectacular day.

Something that has been turning in my head a lot lately is a very particular aspect of human nature. No, it's not anything like a desire to be wanted or to have control. It's that I've come to believe that there is something in most, maybe all, human beings, that causes us to be as annoying as physically possible.

I am only half joking about this. Case in point: without naming names, there's this girl who has for some reason been a big part of my life over the past few months. I don't want to make it too obvious as to who this is, but either way, I get the feeling she is very consciously trying to make my life a living hell.

So, I'm a bit paranoid, but that doesn't excuse how annoying she has been. Though a seemingly quiet person, she single-handedly made sure I was unhappy with my end of a "deal" of some sorts. You'd think someone like this would at least be capable and kind of bright, which is I'm sure how other people see her, but she hasn't proved herself to be this in the least bit.

That's why I've decided, some people are just annoying. They offer no excuse other than... actually no, I can't think of any excuse. Whilst I'm adamantly against the idea that people "can't help themselves", I can't actually think of a way someone could resist this spirit of annoyingness.

I wonder if these kinds of people thrive on the suffering of others. I sure hope she makes at least someone happy.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

delay man

Something I wrote just now, unable to do an analysis assignment for English class...

cold, foggy nights
friends see things others won't
too afraid to tell
too afraid to show
close your eyes
and pretend you don't see
delay man
delay man

ghosts chanting your name
bleeding from swollen ears
where is your heart at
where is your mind at
say your name
and believe you are him
delay man
delay man